Wednesday, September 30, 2009

What a gorgeous day!

The sun looks so gorgeous outside and coming in through our windows. It has rained so much lately that I almost forgot what bright sun looked like. We needed the rain, I am not complaining, but we got a lot of it.

This week has been wild, but really good. We began revival services at our church on Sunday morning. The preacher, P.J. Scott, has been great. I have learned so much from him, already. Tonight is our last night. He has preached on so much that has been on my heart for awhile. How our churches need to change to actually be a place where outsiders would even want to come and join. That our churches have become a closed society. My heart has been breaking for feeling like I didn't have the resources to reach the people around me. There has also been a staggering fear that it would just be too overwhelming to try to invest enough time into the lost people around me when I have a family of 6 who need me. I have let myself be complacent. Even though I was disappointed with myself, I just kept going and passing people and praying that maybe they would meet someone else that could reach them.

I have been praying about how God could use me and being disgusted that I felt like my using my gifts at church alone was a cop out and not what I needed to be doing. Ministering to Christians who, I know, need lots of ministering to, but at the same time feeling like I was meant to reach this dying world. Well, not all me, but I hope you know what I mean. At least the part that I am supposed to reach. I get down so easily. It is my temperament. I really have to fight not getting depressed about this all. One thing I really realized is that I have been trying to do all of this in my own strength. I think I have been afraid of asking God for His strength because I know He would give it to me and then I would have to get out of my comfort zone.

I have to remember that the entire Christian walk is with Christ's strength. That is the only way it is possible to please God. That is one thing that seperates us from other religions. We depend on Christ. Depend. We are desperate for Him. I know that my "self" is so weak and pitiful on my own. I have to be filled with the Spirit to do anything that He is calling me to do. Yes, it may sound like He is one big crutch. Well, He is and He is supposed to be.

My goal for the rest of this year is to start by at least contacting my neighbors. Inviting them to church. Inviting them into our home. Getting outside our comfort zone.

I have to be honest. Asking God to totally take over my life is very scary. He may want me to give up some things that I have made myself dependent on. He is so worth it all. It is about walking with Him and fellowshipping with Him. Being a part of what He is doing. He will bless us with letting us actually be a part of His work.

Take care,

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